Dear Joey,
Very recently I was told by a female that sucking nipples does nothing for them. From what I had understood from previous encounters, friends, and from other places was that the nipple is sensitive to touch. Is this correct or no?
love,
blue balls
Dear Blue Balls,
I wouldn’t listen to anything this particular female has to say. As a matter of fact, I’d send her a link to this article, then verbally smack her in her insensitive breasticles.
On to the good stuff. Some experts say that the nipples and breasts are one of the hottest erogenous zones, second only to the genitalia. Nipples can also be a lot of fun for both partners, especially if you have “restless hand syndrome,” like myself. Although playing with them may be entertaining and a good way to pass time, not everyone enjoys a tiny nipple violin concert.
Just like in most things foreplay, everyone is unique. For some, a flick of the nipple may cause them to do the “cream-the-pants dance,” for others, a look of boredom. In a study conducted by Levin & Meston (2006), 301 sexually-experienced undergraduate university students (148 men; 153 women) were surveyed regarding nipple/breast sensitivity and arousal. Results showed that 82% of women and 52% of men found breast/nipple manipulation to cause or enhance their sexual arousal (take that, assumptive female friend).
Another variable that may decrease nipple sensitivity is how far along a female is in her menstrual cycle. According to Columbia University’s “Go Ask Alice,” the nipples are less sensitive during the first two weeks of the menstrual cycle, heightened in sensitivity during ovulation, and less sensative again during menstruation. This doesn’t necessarily mean that you should ask your partner how far along they are in their cycle, but don’t be afraid to test the waters manually or orally.
In short, a majority of men and women find nip-play arousing, meaning, go into the game with guns slinging for the chest. If there’s not much of a reaction, move your emphasis to other erogenous zones.
Love,
Joey
References:
Go Ask Alice! http://www.goaskalice.columbia.edu/6080.html
Levin, R., Meston, C. (2006). Nipple/breast stimulation and sexual arousal in young men and women. Journal of Sexual Medicine, 3(3), 450-454.
Wednesday, March 24, 2010
Monday, March 22, 2010
Selling the Cow
Josef,
So I need third party male advice on a situation. I was dating a guy
for 9 months and things were fairly serious, he even asked me to move
with him. The sex was amazingggg to say the very least. He was into
anal, which I wasn't as much but would every now and then to keep him
happy. But other than that we were very much on the same page about
what we liked, the rough the better. And I was also very good to him
about surprising him with fantasies and a costumes every now and then
and holidays. However, like most relationships it eventually come to
an end for no real reason that he could explain and was pretty abrupt.
I stopped talking to him for a few weeks then booty called him when I
was drinking a few weeks later. Since then we have been hooking up
almost every time i become intoxicated. And some how the sex managed
to get even better now that we are broken up. It's hard though because
I obviously still have strong feelings for me and he says he does too,
just can't handle a relationship now. As much pain and relapse seeing
him gives me, I think it's almost worth it because the sex is amazing
and its better then going home with a random from the bar. But i also
don't want my ex to see me as just a vagina he can have whenever he
wants, because "why buy the cow when the milk is free". But i also
think that if i keep hooking up with him I at least know he isn't
sleeping with anyone else (or so he tells me), and i also think maybe
there will be a chance he will realize what he lost. So should I keep
seeing him or let the past be the past?
Thanks,
The Anal Astronaut
Dear Anal Astronaut,
Ex-lovers are always a hump to get over. If there’s “love” involved, things will most likely get messy. Brace yourself for a “messy” answer.
Did you ever stop to think of giving him sex as your subconscious way of keeping him in your life? Kick the habit and move on. To tell you the truth, I think you put it best with, "why buy the cow when the milk is free?" Keeping things you can't have around is never healthy. If he wants you he'll be there and he'll be ready to commit...UNLESS you enjoy the booty calls. If that is the case, then fine. The sex has become better because it's more invigorating when there's some kind of guilt involved. Either that, or one of you has learned some new moves.
Also, sex does tend to be better with someone you trust and are familiar with. Keep in mind that when good sex is involved, so is attachment, whether you like it or not.
In conclusion, cut things off and move on. I know it may not be the easiest thing to do, it’s not worth hurting yourself by ruminating on the past. This doesn’t mean throw away all of your old loving memories, it simply means distance yourself so you can regain independence and reassemble yourself. Also remember, the best way to get over an old fling is with a new one (this doesn’t mean to engage in risky one night stands/ “slut it up”). Never forget, there’s always better out there, and therefore, always hope.
There are plenty of fish in the sea and you’re a good fisherwoman… steer your boat away from the old and let the fishing hooks fly.
Love,
Joey
So I need third party male advice on a situation. I was dating a guy
for 9 months and things were fairly serious, he even asked me to move
with him. The sex was amazingggg to say the very least. He was into
anal, which I wasn't as much but would every now and then to keep him
happy. But other than that we were very much on the same page about
what we liked, the rough the better. And I was also very good to him
about surprising him with fantasies and a costumes every now and then
and holidays. However, like most relationships it eventually come to
an end for no real reason that he could explain and was pretty abrupt.
I stopped talking to him for a few weeks then booty called him when I
was drinking a few weeks later. Since then we have been hooking up
almost every time i become intoxicated. And some how the sex managed
to get even better now that we are broken up. It's hard though because
I obviously still have strong feelings for me and he says he does too,
just can't handle a relationship now. As much pain and relapse seeing
him gives me, I think it's almost worth it because the sex is amazing
and its better then going home with a random from the bar. But i also
don't want my ex to see me as just a vagina he can have whenever he
wants, because "why buy the cow when the milk is free". But i also
think that if i keep hooking up with him I at least know he isn't
sleeping with anyone else (or so he tells me), and i also think maybe
there will be a chance he will realize what he lost. So should I keep
seeing him or let the past be the past?
Thanks,
The Anal Astronaut
Dear Anal Astronaut,
Ex-lovers are always a hump to get over. If there’s “love” involved, things will most likely get messy. Brace yourself for a “messy” answer.
Did you ever stop to think of giving him sex as your subconscious way of keeping him in your life? Kick the habit and move on. To tell you the truth, I think you put it best with, "why buy the cow when the milk is free?" Keeping things you can't have around is never healthy. If he wants you he'll be there and he'll be ready to commit...UNLESS you enjoy the booty calls. If that is the case, then fine. The sex has become better because it's more invigorating when there's some kind of guilt involved. Either that, or one of you has learned some new moves.
Also, sex does tend to be better with someone you trust and are familiar with. Keep in mind that when good sex is involved, so is attachment, whether you like it or not.
In conclusion, cut things off and move on. I know it may not be the easiest thing to do, it’s not worth hurting yourself by ruminating on the past. This doesn’t mean throw away all of your old loving memories, it simply means distance yourself so you can regain independence and reassemble yourself. Also remember, the best way to get over an old fling is with a new one (this doesn’t mean to engage in risky one night stands/ “slut it up”). Never forget, there’s always better out there, and therefore, always hope.
There are plenty of fish in the sea and you’re a good fisherwoman… steer your boat away from the old and let the fishing hooks fly.
Love,
Joey
Wednesday, March 17, 2010
New Contact Procedure
Hello Readers,
I'm happy to announce that you can now send in your questions through the contact button the right-hand side. This new "contact" button should make life easier for all of us. Instead of creating anonymous e-mail accounts you can now simply send in questions with anonymous user names through the site itself. I look forward to your questions!
Love,
Joey
I'm happy to announce that you can now send in your questions through the contact button the right-hand side. This new "contact" button should make life easier for all of us. Instead of creating anonymous e-mail accounts you can now simply send in questions with anonymous user names through the site itself. I look forward to your questions!
Love,
Joey
Tuesday, March 16, 2010
Demeaning Kink 101
Dear Joey,
I recently started seeing a man who is quite a bit older than me but very fun to be around and seems very interested in me as well. We just slept together for the first time and it was as if a switch was flipped. I know that guys can sometimes be aggressive but he was almost demeaning. Beyond his extreme dirty talk of pure insults, he spit on my face in them middle of sex and then tried to convince me to try an act that I do not enjoy doing.
At first I thought he just purely didn't care for me and I felt a bit used, but after, he wanted to cuddle and spend the whole night together. When I told him that I did not approve of being spit on he simply replied that I must be too young and in time I'll like it.
I know that everyone has their fetishes and I try to keep an open mind, but at what point is it just not worth trying to communicate anymore? When is it okay to call someone's kinks just rude behaviour?
- Kinkless
Dear Kinkless,
It sounds to me like you've got a stage 3 spitter on your hands. You've just been enrolled in demeaning kink 101, a "dirty whore" here, a slap and a spit in the face there, maybe a bruise or two in the morning.
The lover you speak of is showing his true colors including all of his freaky twists on the first “sexing.” Showing these sexual behaviors so soon is odd. Most people with sexual habits that “go against the grain” are self conscious and show their true likings later. This could either mean that he’s very confident in the fact that you’ll accept him no matter what he does in bed, or that he doesn’t care about what you think of him or his spitting. All signs point to confidence since he didn’t hesitate to add, “you must be too young, and in time you’ll like it.” If this guy knows anything about human beings, he’d understand that everyone is unique. If you go around doing the same sexy-time routine to every partner, you must get a high success rate. It is absolutely impossible that every girl enjoys this kind of demeaning treatment in the bed, and therefore this guy is over-cocky and assumptive. Both partners are entitled to an equal opinion in the bed. Without this equality, things are bound to go awry both in bed and out.
I suggest that you abstain from communicating to someone that their kinky pleasures are rude. To you they may be rude behaviors, but to others they may be the best route to climax. Unless the behaviors are abusive or are considered paraphilia, they’re not to be judged as abnormal but as another form of sexual expression. But… as I said before, both people should be onboard (otherwise this behavior should be considered abusive) before engaging in these behaviors, or else things may just become AWKWARD!
I’m sorry to say that the fact that he blew off your expression of dislike towards his sexual fancies is not a good sign. Simply put, if you’re not into the whole demeaning being dominated bed-rocking, then let him know. If he doesn’t respect that then he may not be a great candidate for future sexual escapades. Just because he cuddles you afterwards, doesn’t mean he’s a great guy. I’d rather spoon my pillow than have someone take a squat on my dignity.
Love,
Joey
I recently started seeing a man who is quite a bit older than me but very fun to be around and seems very interested in me as well. We just slept together for the first time and it was as if a switch was flipped. I know that guys can sometimes be aggressive but he was almost demeaning. Beyond his extreme dirty talk of pure insults, he spit on my face in them middle of sex and then tried to convince me to try an act that I do not enjoy doing.
At first I thought he just purely didn't care for me and I felt a bit used, but after, he wanted to cuddle and spend the whole night together. When I told him that I did not approve of being spit on he simply replied that I must be too young and in time I'll like it.
I know that everyone has their fetishes and I try to keep an open mind, but at what point is it just not worth trying to communicate anymore? When is it okay to call someone's kinks just rude behaviour?
- Kinkless
Dear Kinkless,
It sounds to me like you've got a stage 3 spitter on your hands. You've just been enrolled in demeaning kink 101, a "dirty whore" here, a slap and a spit in the face there, maybe a bruise or two in the morning.
The lover you speak of is showing his true colors including all of his freaky twists on the first “sexing.” Showing these sexual behaviors so soon is odd. Most people with sexual habits that “go against the grain” are self conscious and show their true likings later. This could either mean that he’s very confident in the fact that you’ll accept him no matter what he does in bed, or that he doesn’t care about what you think of him or his spitting. All signs point to confidence since he didn’t hesitate to add, “you must be too young, and in time you’ll like it.” If this guy knows anything about human beings, he’d understand that everyone is unique. If you go around doing the same sexy-time routine to every partner, you must get a high success rate. It is absolutely impossible that every girl enjoys this kind of demeaning treatment in the bed, and therefore this guy is over-cocky and assumptive. Both partners are entitled to an equal opinion in the bed. Without this equality, things are bound to go awry both in bed and out.
I suggest that you abstain from communicating to someone that their kinky pleasures are rude. To you they may be rude behaviors, but to others they may be the best route to climax. Unless the behaviors are abusive or are considered paraphilia, they’re not to be judged as abnormal but as another form of sexual expression. But… as I said before, both people should be onboard (otherwise this behavior should be considered abusive) before engaging in these behaviors, or else things may just become AWKWARD!
I’m sorry to say that the fact that he blew off your expression of dislike towards his sexual fancies is not a good sign. Simply put, if you’re not into the whole demeaning being dominated bed-rocking, then let him know. If he doesn’t respect that then he may not be a great candidate for future sexual escapades. Just because he cuddles you afterwards, doesn’t mean he’s a great guy. I’d rather spoon my pillow than have someone take a squat on my dignity.
Love,
Joey
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