Joey,
I dated a girl for about 2 years. After awhile I fell out of the relationship and broke it off with her. It was a little messy. We stopped speaking for a few months and I started realizing what I had given away. So I called and let her know how I felt and knew I would have to work on it. She was hesitant at first then receptive since she never wanted the relationship to end in the first place. So we were getting back into things sex and the whole 9, a few weeks pass and things are going smoothly. Her birthday comes we spend the night together with friends have some great sex. She drops me off the next morning I call her in the afternoon to wish her a good evening as she was returning to school and a guy picks up and tells me Im pathetic and stop talking to his girl. I told him she blew me last night so enjoy the taste of my dick. Needless to say I didn't want anything to do with her and she didnt acknowledge anything for a week. She finally gets back to me apologizes 1 million times wants me back everything. I told her I was moving West from the East Coast, which her deceit helped me to decide, she cries, etc. I move West, she finds a job and follows a few months later, and wants to work things out. Does she deserve the chance? She broke my heart though.
Blumpkin
Dear Blumpkin,
I usually steer away from general yet heavy questions, but I've decided to give your general question a general answer. The reason for this is that, I simply don't know enough details about the type of love you had with this women and the amount of worth this love has to you. What I will do, is give you the tools to view the situation clearly.
Many times, when faced with a dilemma like this, the best thing to do is to remove your emotions and think logically (as us men do best), and to strip the situation down without letting your heart overwhelm your smarts.
If you do look at the situation in this way, you basically have two simple options: give her another chance (because mistakes aside, you want her and she wants you) or open yourself up to the infinite world of women around you. Here is the major dilemma....
If you do decide to pass off this woman who broke your heart, you may not be able to get her back. If you never get her back, you may wonder what could have been for a long while. Maybe give her another chance, as she gave you after the messy break up. The only thing it would hurt is your pride, and who knows, she may tend to your broken heart the second time around.
It sounds to me that something special was had. You’ve already made the “mistake” of leaving her once. If it doesn't work out, then on to the next lover. Life is short, look at your options as they are and don't ruminate too much. Plus, it could be destiny… just kidding (or am I?).
Love,
Joey
Showing posts with label Relationship. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Relationship. Show all posts
Sunday, April 4, 2010
Wednesday, March 24, 2010
Like a Tiny Violin
Dear Joey,
Very recently I was told by a female that sucking nipples does nothing for them. From what I had understood from previous encounters, friends, and from other places was that the nipple is sensitive to touch. Is this correct or no?
love,
blue balls
Dear Blue Balls,
I wouldn’t listen to anything this particular female has to say. As a matter of fact, I’d send her a link to this article, then verbally smack her in her insensitive breasticles.
On to the good stuff. Some experts say that the nipples and breasts are one of the hottest erogenous zones, second only to the genitalia. Nipples can also be a lot of fun for both partners, especially if you have “restless hand syndrome,” like myself. Although playing with them may be entertaining and a good way to pass time, not everyone enjoys a tiny nipple violin concert.
Just like in most things foreplay, everyone is unique. For some, a flick of the nipple may cause them to do the “cream-the-pants dance,” for others, a look of boredom. In a study conducted by Levin & Meston (2006), 301 sexually-experienced undergraduate university students (148 men; 153 women) were surveyed regarding nipple/breast sensitivity and arousal. Results showed that 82% of women and 52% of men found breast/nipple manipulation to cause or enhance their sexual arousal (take that, assumptive female friend).
Another variable that may decrease nipple sensitivity is how far along a female is in her menstrual cycle. According to Columbia University’s “Go Ask Alice,” the nipples are less sensitive during the first two weeks of the menstrual cycle, heightened in sensitivity during ovulation, and less sensative again during menstruation. This doesn’t necessarily mean that you should ask your partner how far along they are in their cycle, but don’t be afraid to test the waters manually or orally.
In short, a majority of men and women find nip-play arousing, meaning, go into the game with guns slinging for the chest. If there’s not much of a reaction, move your emphasis to other erogenous zones.
Love,
Joey
References:
Go Ask Alice! http://www.goaskalice.columbia.edu/6080.html
Levin, R., Meston, C. (2006). Nipple/breast stimulation and sexual arousal in young men and women. Journal of Sexual Medicine, 3(3), 450-454.
Very recently I was told by a female that sucking nipples does nothing for them. From what I had understood from previous encounters, friends, and from other places was that the nipple is sensitive to touch. Is this correct or no?
love,
blue balls
Dear Blue Balls,
I wouldn’t listen to anything this particular female has to say. As a matter of fact, I’d send her a link to this article, then verbally smack her in her insensitive breasticles.
On to the good stuff. Some experts say that the nipples and breasts are one of the hottest erogenous zones, second only to the genitalia. Nipples can also be a lot of fun for both partners, especially if you have “restless hand syndrome,” like myself. Although playing with them may be entertaining and a good way to pass time, not everyone enjoys a tiny nipple violin concert.
Just like in most things foreplay, everyone is unique. For some, a flick of the nipple may cause them to do the “cream-the-pants dance,” for others, a look of boredom. In a study conducted by Levin & Meston (2006), 301 sexually-experienced undergraduate university students (148 men; 153 women) were surveyed regarding nipple/breast sensitivity and arousal. Results showed that 82% of women and 52% of men found breast/nipple manipulation to cause or enhance their sexual arousal (take that, assumptive female friend).
Another variable that may decrease nipple sensitivity is how far along a female is in her menstrual cycle. According to Columbia University’s “Go Ask Alice,” the nipples are less sensitive during the first two weeks of the menstrual cycle, heightened in sensitivity during ovulation, and less sensative again during menstruation. This doesn’t necessarily mean that you should ask your partner how far along they are in their cycle, but don’t be afraid to test the waters manually or orally.
In short, a majority of men and women find nip-play arousing, meaning, go into the game with guns slinging for the chest. If there’s not much of a reaction, move your emphasis to other erogenous zones.
Love,
Joey
References:
Go Ask Alice! http://www.goaskalice.columbia.edu/6080.html
Levin, R., Meston, C. (2006). Nipple/breast stimulation and sexual arousal in young men and women. Journal of Sexual Medicine, 3(3), 450-454.
Wednesday, January 13, 2010
Long Distance Relationships~The Good, The Bad, and The UGLY
Dear Josef,
My boyfriend is moving away for an unknown amount of time. I just wanted to know if you thought a long distance relationship would be a good idea. I really love him and would like to put the time and effort into giving it a try.
Please Help!
Honeygurl
Honeygurl,
Normally, I would say that there are a lot of other variables (time, distance) that need to be taken into account, but since I don't know too much about you and your partner personally I can't give you a customized answer. What I can do is give you my shpiel on long distance relationships in general. Brace yourself.
When it comes to long distance relationships I simply throw my hands in the air. It takes a certain type of person to be able to withstand the hardships that come along with long distance relationships and to find two of them together is like finding a man that would gladly pluck your eyebrows with a thread... straighten your hair... give you a French manicure... and isn't gay. It's just a rare breed.
Long distance relationships are a whole different beast. Things start off just fine with "I miss you" and "can't wait to see you" and "how was your day?" But they soon take a turn for the worse because there's only so many times you can say things like "I miss you" over and over again without some sort of new romantic stimulation aside from the cold plastic of the phone on your cheek. When there's nothing left to say and people want to re-spark their long distance relationship, they do one of two things:
A. Phone Sex/Webcam sex
B. FIGHT
First it's usually the electro-sex, then comes the fighting. Sadly, the fighting is usually out of sheer boredom and it hurts. When two people have an argument in a closed distance relationship they can usually find a resolution between the sheets. The best way to end a good fight is with a good fuck. Whereas, in a long distance relationship, all of the pent up aggression and stress has no outlet. If you’re anything like me, this usually leads to a search for another outlet, masturbation. And there’s only so much that someone can masturbate without befriending a tub of ice cream then drowning themselves in it.
Another issue with long distance relationship is mistrust. A lack of trust in your partner, as well as a lack of trust in yourself. Suspicion usually arises at some point when your partner doesn't pick up the phone, or the call goes straight to voicemail. Also, just because you're in a relationship, attractive people don't dissappear, and the temptation will be even greater when your partner's away. It is stereotyped that woman take longer to get lonely than a man, but it really depends on the individual. Instinctively, after being in a relationship for a long amount of time, you’ll be over-conditioned with cuddly nights. Suddenly, when you're all alone and faced with no outlet but the phone, the heart goes into shock and you end up cuddling/spooning your pillow or bringing someone else home.
When you get into this type of relationship you are taking these risks.
Honeygurl, I have introduced you to the dark side of long distance relationships… now for the lighter side. Although things may get tough between you and your partner and challenges may arise, there may still be hope. To paraphrase Nietzsche, what doesn’t break your relationship will only make it stronger. There is a light at the end of the tunnel if you can get to it without the tunnel collapsing on you first. In other words, if things remain stable while your partner is away and eventually the two of you do end up in the same location, your relationship will be stronger than ever. All of the “I miss you’s” and “wish you were here’s” will have been worth it and will come to a conclusion with a joyous reunion. If you can withstand being apart for a prolonged amount of time and still keep the flame alive and strong, then I congratulate and solute you.
I wish you and your partner the best of luck.
Love,
~Joey
My boyfriend is moving away for an unknown amount of time. I just wanted to know if you thought a long distance relationship would be a good idea. I really love him and would like to put the time and effort into giving it a try.
Please Help!
Honeygurl
Honeygurl,
Normally, I would say that there are a lot of other variables (time, distance) that need to be taken into account, but since I don't know too much about you and your partner personally I can't give you a customized answer. What I can do is give you my shpiel on long distance relationships in general. Brace yourself.
When it comes to long distance relationships I simply throw my hands in the air. It takes a certain type of person to be able to withstand the hardships that come along with long distance relationships and to find two of them together is like finding a man that would gladly pluck your eyebrows with a thread... straighten your hair... give you a French manicure... and isn't gay. It's just a rare breed.
Long distance relationships are a whole different beast. Things start off just fine with "I miss you" and "can't wait to see you" and "how was your day?" But they soon take a turn for the worse because there's only so many times you can say things like "I miss you" over and over again without some sort of new romantic stimulation aside from the cold plastic of the phone on your cheek. When there's nothing left to say and people want to re-spark their long distance relationship, they do one of two things:
A. Phone Sex/Webcam sex
B. FIGHT
First it's usually the electro-sex, then comes the fighting. Sadly, the fighting is usually out of sheer boredom and it hurts. When two people have an argument in a closed distance relationship they can usually find a resolution between the sheets. The best way to end a good fight is with a good fuck. Whereas, in a long distance relationship, all of the pent up aggression and stress has no outlet. If you’re anything like me, this usually leads to a search for another outlet, masturbation. And there’s only so much that someone can masturbate without befriending a tub of ice cream then drowning themselves in it.
Another issue with long distance relationship is mistrust. A lack of trust in your partner, as well as a lack of trust in yourself. Suspicion usually arises at some point when your partner doesn't pick up the phone, or the call goes straight to voicemail. Also, just because you're in a relationship, attractive people don't dissappear, and the temptation will be even greater when your partner's away. It is stereotyped that woman take longer to get lonely than a man, but it really depends on the individual. Instinctively, after being in a relationship for a long amount of time, you’ll be over-conditioned with cuddly nights. Suddenly, when you're all alone and faced with no outlet but the phone, the heart goes into shock and you end up cuddling/spooning your pillow or bringing someone else home.
When you get into this type of relationship you are taking these risks.
Honeygurl, I have introduced you to the dark side of long distance relationships… now for the lighter side. Although things may get tough between you and your partner and challenges may arise, there may still be hope. To paraphrase Nietzsche, what doesn’t break your relationship will only make it stronger. There is a light at the end of the tunnel if you can get to it without the tunnel collapsing on you first. In other words, if things remain stable while your partner is away and eventually the two of you do end up in the same location, your relationship will be stronger than ever. All of the “I miss you’s” and “wish you were here’s” will have been worth it and will come to a conclusion with a joyous reunion. If you can withstand being apart for a prolonged amount of time and still keep the flame alive and strong, then I congratulate and solute you.
I wish you and your partner the best of luck.
Love,
~Joey
Anywhere You Go, I'll Follow... or Not
Hi Josef,
I just saw your blog and just had a question about relationships. I have been seeing this amazing man for about a year and he just moved to the States suddenly for a job. We still really like each other but neither of us wants to do long distance. On top of that he is about 7 years older than me and I don't know how big of an issue that is. I dont have many people to talk about this with and I just wanted to know your opinion.
Thanks so much,
BeachBabe
Dearest BeachBabe,
The only answer that I can think of (without a long distance relationship) is that one of you has to make a major life decision, meaning, one of you has to follow the other to keep the relationship alive. It’s either that or say goodbye and hope that you’re destined to be together and that you’ll find one another again some day.
Sadly, things don’t usually work that way. It’s either one of you risks their comfy life for the other or things may have to come to an end. It’s hard to say if it’s worth following your partner. A year, in my opinion, is not long enough of a relationship to throw away your own goals and security to chase someone else’s dreams. One can even say, if he is so in love with you, why doesn’t he find a job closer to you? In basic and harsher terms, his own goals are more important than your relationship… which is understandable. A year long relationship is a relatively short amount of time to say “hey, I’m gonna put aside my dreams and ambitions for this person.” This goes for both of you, whether he decides to stay or you decide to make the move.
Your situation is a tough one because a year is a short amount of time to distinguish what the relationship is worth. You also mentioned an age difference so there may be a difference in age-oriented agenda. I also don’t know enough detail about your relationship or your lifestyles. What I do know is that IF the relationship is important enough, then one of you will make the sacrifice/adjustment to be with the other.
Love,
~Joey
I just saw your blog and just had a question about relationships. I have been seeing this amazing man for about a year and he just moved to the States suddenly for a job. We still really like each other but neither of us wants to do long distance. On top of that he is about 7 years older than me and I don't know how big of an issue that is. I dont have many people to talk about this with and I just wanted to know your opinion.
Thanks so much,
BeachBabe
Dearest BeachBabe,
The only answer that I can think of (without a long distance relationship) is that one of you has to make a major life decision, meaning, one of you has to follow the other to keep the relationship alive. It’s either that or say goodbye and hope that you’re destined to be together and that you’ll find one another again some day.
Sadly, things don’t usually work that way. It’s either one of you risks their comfy life for the other or things may have to come to an end. It’s hard to say if it’s worth following your partner. A year, in my opinion, is not long enough of a relationship to throw away your own goals and security to chase someone else’s dreams. One can even say, if he is so in love with you, why doesn’t he find a job closer to you? In basic and harsher terms, his own goals are more important than your relationship… which is understandable. A year long relationship is a relatively short amount of time to say “hey, I’m gonna put aside my dreams and ambitions for this person.” This goes for both of you, whether he decides to stay or you decide to make the move.
Your situation is a tough one because a year is a short amount of time to distinguish what the relationship is worth. You also mentioned an age difference so there may be a difference in age-oriented agenda. I also don’t know enough detail about your relationship or your lifestyles. What I do know is that IF the relationship is important enough, then one of you will make the sacrifice/adjustment to be with the other.
Love,
~Joey
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