Selling the Cow

Josef,

So I need third party male advice on a situation. I was dating a guy
for 9 months and things were fairly serious, he even asked me to move
with him. The sex was amazingggg to say the very least. He was into
anal, which I wasn't as much but would every now and then to keep him
happy. But other than that we were very much on the same page about
what we liked, the rough the better. And I was also very good to him
about surprising him with fantasies and a costumes every now and then
and holidays. However, like most relationships it eventually come to
an end for no real reason that he could explain and was pretty abrupt.
I stopped talking to him for a few weeks then booty called him when I
was drinking a few weeks later. Since then we have been hooking up
almost every time i become intoxicated. And some how the sex managed
to get even better now that we are broken up. It's hard though because
I obviously still have strong feelings for me and he says he does too,
just can't handle a relationship now. As much pain and relapse seeing
him gives me, I think it's almost worth it because the sex is amazing
and its better then going home with a random from the bar. But i also
don't want my ex to see me as just a vagina he can have whenever he
wants, because "why buy the cow when the milk is free". But i also
think that if i keep hooking up with him I at least know he isn't
sleeping with anyone else (or so he tells me), and i also think maybe
there will be a chance he will realize what he lost. So should I keep
seeing him or let the past be the past?
Thanks,
The Anal Astronaut


Dear Anal Astronaut,

Ex-lovers are always a hump to get over. If there’s “love” involved, things will most likely get messy. Brace yourself for a “messy” answer.

Did you ever stop to think of giving him sex as your subconscious way of keeping him in your life? Kick the habit and move on. To tell you the truth, I think you put it best with, "why buy the cow when the milk is free?" Keeping things you can't have around is never healthy. If he wants you he'll be there and he'll be ready to commit...UNLESS you enjoy the booty calls. If that is the case, then fine. The sex has become better because it's more invigorating when there's some kind of guilt involved. Either that, or one of you has learned some new moves.

Also, sex does tend to be better with someone you trust and are familiar with. Keep in mind that when good sex is involved, so is attachment, whether you like it or not.

In conclusion, cut things off and move on. I know it may not be the easiest thing to do, it’s not worth hurting yourself by ruminating on the past. This doesn’t mean throw away all of your old loving memories, it simply means distance yourself so you can regain independence and reassemble yourself. Also remember, the best way to get over an old fling is with a new one (this doesn’t mean to engage in risky one night stands/ “slut it up”). Never forget, there’s always better out there, and therefore, always hope.

There are plenty of fish in the sea and you’re a good fisherwoman… steer your boat away from the old and let the fishing hooks fly.
Love,

Joey