"Pick Up the Stick! Don't Pick Up the Stick!"

Dear Josef

I'm writing to you mainly because I want an outsider guy's perspective. I have recently turned 19 years old and I am still a proud owner of my V-card. While I am not embarrassed about this, I do want to be in a sexual relationship but there is one thing I am very afraid of. I have dated boys in the past but I have never given a blow-job, the elusive penis freaks me out a bit. While guys have been very understanding about my standoffishness, and I enjoy being pleasured by them, I cannot go the next step. When I have spoken to my girls about my trepidation they usually respond with a unanimous agreement that I should "just watch porn". While porn never really turned me on and I am uncomfortable watching it, I want to get over my fear and get out there. There is a boy in particular that I am interested in and even though I am comfortable with him, his penis--like all others--is bringing a halt to our mutual sexual satisfaction. I guess my biggest fear is of failure, I know that I am attracted to guys and i do want to be with them, but I am really apprehensive because I am afraid I will screw up and disappoint my partner. Everybody says that if it's with the right person all of that doesn't matter or that I just need to practice but I can't seem to get to a phase where I am ready to approach a penis. I just think of all the bad things that might happen, like what if I sneeze in the middle? I don't think it's quite a phobia, but how can I be eased into the situation and above all, enjoy myself while I'm at it?

--Virgin McFearsome

Dear Virgin McFearsome,

I’m sorry to hear about your Phallaphobia. Normally, I would say that the root of penile sexual anxiety is due to sexual trauma or hidden homosexual feelings, but I think that your case is simply caused by a lack of confidence. So, I won’t say that you’re the product of a touchy uncle or a closet lezzy off the cuff. Instead, here are some helpful tips that may help you come closer to the male genitalia.

I think it would be best to start your oral adventure by reading an excerpt from a recent article I wrote called the “NoOrgasm Series”. In this article, I stated,

“When someone tells me that they don’t like performing oral sex, I usually attribute it to a lack of confidence in their performance skills. There’s nothing wrong with learning the ropes through experimentation. What I said regarding the importance of communication applies outside and inside the bedroom. Ask your partner/s what they like, I’m sure they’d gladly help you out. Don’t think that you’re innately meant to be a sexual encyclopedia. Once you begin to learn from your partner/s advice, you’ll begin to build a library of techniques, and in turn, gain confidence.”
Playing with someone else’s genitals may not always be the most appealing activity, but sometimes people will do just about anything to keep the other person happy. Remember, he may be apprehensive about what you’re hiding in between your legs too--not to make you feel more self-conscious than you already are. If he can handle the bear trap/bearded clam in your pants, you should be able to handle the one-eyed trouser snake in his.

Becoming confident in matters of the bedroom takes experience. You should probably attempt a blowjob on someone that you have feelings for and have established a healthy comfort level with (ideally a consistent partner). Just keep in mind, you’re not meant to be a pro you’re very first time. After all, you’re still an oral virgin. Every person is different; you may be able to get one person off with a sexy mouthful smile and a wink of the eye, whereas another person may give you lockjaw.

Hop in bed with someone you feel comfortable, and let him guide you. If you sneeze or gag and throw up, then at least the person will be less likely to judge you. Heck, if he helps you clean up then you know he’s a keeper. Don't forget, even the best porn stars had to start somewhere before hitting the big leagues.

Love,

Joey