Dear Josef,
My boyfriend is moving away for an unknown amount of time. I just wanted to know if you thought a long distance relationship would be a good idea. I really love him and would like to put the time and effort into giving it a try.
Please Help!
Honeygurl
Honeygurl,
Normally, I would say that there are a lot of other variables (time, distance) that need to be taken into account, but since I don't know too much about you and your partner personally I can't give you a customized answer. What I can do is give you my shpiel on long distance relationships in general. Brace yourself.
When it comes to long distance relationships I simply throw my hands in the air. It takes a certain type of person to be able to withstand the hardships that come along with long distance relationships and to find two of them together is like finding a man that would gladly pluck your eyebrows with a thread... straighten your hair... give you a French manicure... and isn't gay. It's just a rare breed.
Long distance relationships are a whole different beast. Things start off just fine with "I miss you" and "can't wait to see you" and "how was your day?" But they soon take a turn for the worse because there's only so many times you can say things like "I miss you" over and over again without some sort of new romantic stimulation aside from the cold plastic of the phone on your cheek. When there's nothing left to say and people want to re-spark their long distance relationship, they do one of two things:
A. Phone Sex/Webcam sex
B. FIGHT
First it's usually the electro-sex, then comes the fighting. Sadly, the fighting is usually out of sheer boredom and it hurts. When two people have an argument in a closed distance relationship they can usually find a resolution between the sheets. The best way to end a good fight is with a good fuck. Whereas, in a long distance relationship, all of the pent up aggression and stress has no outlet. If you’re anything like me, this usually leads to a search for another outlet, masturbation. And there’s only so much that someone can masturbate without befriending a tub of ice cream then drowning themselves in it.
Another issue with long distance relationship is mistrust. A lack of trust in your partner, as well as a lack of trust in yourself. Suspicion usually arises at some point when your partner doesn't pick up the phone, or the call goes straight to voicemail. Also, just because you're in a relationship, attractive people don't dissappear, and the temptation will be even greater when your partner's away. It is stereotyped that woman take longer to get lonely than a man, but it really depends on the individual. Instinctively, after being in a relationship for a long amount of time, you’ll be over-conditioned with cuddly nights. Suddenly, when you're all alone and faced with no outlet but the phone, the heart goes into shock and you end up cuddling/spooning your pillow or bringing someone else home.
When you get into this type of relationship you are taking these risks.
Honeygurl, I have introduced you to the dark side of long distance relationships… now for the lighter side. Although things may get tough between you and your partner and challenges may arise, there may still be hope. To paraphrase Nietzsche, what doesn’t break your relationship will only make it stronger. There is a light at the end of the tunnel if you can get to it without the tunnel collapsing on you first. In other words, if things remain stable while your partner is away and eventually the two of you do end up in the same location, your relationship will be stronger than ever. All of the “I miss you’s” and “wish you were here’s” will have been worth it and will come to a conclusion with a joyous reunion. If you can withstand being apart for a prolonged amount of time and still keep the flame alive and strong, then I congratulate and solute you.
I wish you and your partner the best of luck.
Love,
~Joey
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