Joey,
I'm the kind of female that really enjoys courting and getting to know the men that I'm dating before the sex factor creeps in. However it seems like nowadays, sex has become a prerequisite for the 2nd or 3rd date. I've read that deep within their subconscious, "honorable" men really do respect a female who makes them work for "it". So I'm just wondering, do guys really respect a female that tastefully (not teasefully) withholds sex during the "getting to know you," "courting" phase of dating, or do they simply come to resent them? Why is the sex factor now dominating whether there's going be a next step in a relationship instead of the other more important factors? Help.
Kat
Dearest Kat,
Here is my reply: not only to you, but to the other dozen of women who have asked me “how long do I withhold sex?” First of all, when speaking of sex, please don’t make it sound like a commodity. Yes, you can give and withhold it, control it, and in turn, feel like you have control over your potential partner. But is it right to withhold it without expecting a reaction of disappointment?
Before discussing sex, please let me define the word first. Sex has MULTIPLE meanings. It can range from actual penetration to harmless rubbing up against strangers on a bus until orgasm. For me, sex usually involves orgasm.
I understand that it’s hard to draw the line between tastefully withholding sex and raunchily giving it up. Don't hand out sex as if you're a Pez dispenser.
Whatever you do ladies, do not lead him on! If you don’t want to get sexual, don’t put yourself in a situation where sex is expected. Meaning, going into a bedroom with him alone, basically translates into “I want trouble… the good kind.” If you just want to make out, keep it outside of the bedroom! I understand that you just want to cuddle, but simply put, cuddling is the product of an orgasm. You give, and you shall receive.
Just like the extinct Barbary Lion of North Africa, guys enjoy the chase. But after a certain amount of over exertion, they just give up and masturbate instead. An example of when someone will wait for sex is when you’re his/her first love. This, of course, means penis-vaginal intercourse. A man walking around with a loaded gun is just unsafe, and is also more likely to run away from you when turned down, or to get desperate and say/do stupid things to get his way. Remember that you can have sex without intercourse.
Listen up… withhold sex as long as you feel is suitable, but don’t keep him/her waiting for the sake of waiting. Remember, it takes two to tango and if the guy gets discouraged he may not come back. If the chemistry is there, and not alcohol induced, and the intended lover has proven themselves to be somewhat of a love interest, then go for it! Let your inhibitions go and have a good time.
In conclusion, every situation is different and should be tailored to the individual partner. I can’t give you a definite answer, but there are basic rules that you probably should follow in order to keep the guy on the hook (i.e. keeping it out of the bedroom). Follow my advice and all will be well.
Love,
Joey
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