Dearest Josef,
I feel like I have had the worst experience with guys…and I am not sure if this is my or their fault. After all I have been thru I just can’t trust them …….three weeks ago I met this guy at my friends place. he seemed to be really nice and we exchanged numbers. The next day he called me and invited me and my friends to his place for movies. We talked a lot and had fun and the next day he asked me to come over again. I went home and two days later I saw him at a party (during this time he called and messaged me every day). At the party he changed totally, he called me out he said that I am prude and if I have ever seen a dick? I just ignored him and talked to other guys. Two days later he called me and said that he was sorry and he didn’t mean to hurt me, he was just trying to provoke me and was hoping for another reaction. So everything was fine … kind of… then we met at another party we danced together and end up being at my friend’s place we kissed and made out till he opened up his pants and asked me for a blowjob. I walked away from him and he followed me into the living room where my friends were and complained in front of them that I am so boring that I didn’t even want to give him head. Since I broke up with my ex there is not much more you need to say to hurt my feelings and obviously I started to cry. One hour later he called to say he is sorry but I said I don’t want to talk with him anymore. Since then he has not even called messaged or whatever but I know I will see him a lot since we have the same friends. So here are my questions:
Is it so wrong that I want to know a guy better before we get intimate? How should I act around him? Should I contact him?
Bruna
Bruna,
To you, it may not be wrong to want to get to know a guy, but to the guy's agenda it may be. There's something you need to understand about guys, ultimately they want sex. They'll push and push and hurt feelings and break hearts until they get what they want. Sounds to me like this guy doesn't know how to play the game and went for the guilt approach to getting ass. The problem is, he's not subtle and chose to embarass you. Therefore, you should have kicked him to the curb as soon as he started the whole public embarrassment sitch. The important thing is, that you need to communicate to jerks like this, "You're not getting you know what until I know you first." You don't exactly have to say it in these words. Actually, it would probably be preferable to sugar coat it with feminine mystery and false naiveté. But as soon as he starts embarrassing you in public, he is degrading you and is essentially trying to make you feel bad for not whoring yourself.
It is absolutely fine to want to get to know a guy before getting intimate. Actually, it’s preferable and safer. Believe it or not, getting to know someone may add to the intimacy and pleasure of sex.
Personally, I don’t think things will be awkward between the two of you. He knows he made a mistake, and you now know that he’s not the kind of person you’re looking for. The fact that he embarrassed you twice in front of a group of people in regards to something very personal, means that he won’t hesitate to embarrass you about something else. Behaviors like this usually overlap into other social situations.
Normally, I would say it’s completely fine to contact a guy. But it seems to me that this guy is a walking bag o’ tools and doesn’t deserve whatever you have to offer.
Love,
~Joey
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