The NoOrgasm Series: Part I

Hi Joey,

I have a few questions. Some of them are typical girly questions and others are kind of inappropriate. I hope you don't mind. I guess I should get the boring stuff out of the way first. So, as every girl's sentence starts off, there's this guy. We've been friends for a long time and we dated for a bit awhile back. Then came summertime and we mutually called it quits, not really sure why. But he ended up moving on fairly easily to a long-term girlfriend while I couldn't seem to find anyone I thought was worthy (not too sound cocky). Everything comes back to this guy for me and I'm starting to think it's stupid and pathetic on my part. He and his girlfriend broke up and we talk all the time and have hooked up once since. When we talk it's awesome but more times than not I get the feeling it's one way in the romantic sense. I'm at school in LA and he's in school like 6 hours away. Do you think it's unhealthy for me to be pining over this guy? There's no way I can tell him that I still like him because I feel pretty pathetic thinking it in my head; there's no way I can say it to him.

Dearest NoOrgasm,

First off, there's no such thing as a "girl question." Guys ask questions like this... they just might not write into an advice column about it because of their social schema.

The best and most simple response I could give you is exactly what you don't want to hear. You need to communicate! Tell him how you feel, but have fun with it. It doesn't have to be through a text message or by popping out naked from a birthday cake, but it should still be communicated somehow. If you're hesitant about telling him how you feel now, what makes you think that you’ll be able to communicate if you do get together? I cannot stress enough how vital communication is to a relationship. As for the unhealthiness of your ruminating, the only problems I see is that you’re basically putting yourself in limbo. Who wants to sit in a waiting room for a long period of time? I know I don’t. Worse comes to worse, the feelings won’t be mutual and you’ll find some closure. If things do work out, then you have yourself a prized relationship. Just remember, time won’t stand still and wait for you to gather the guts to talk to him about how you feel. So let go of you inhibitions because there’s nothing wrong with a female sparking the match to a relationship. Also, just because you’re working things out with this one person doesn’t mean you can’t look for other experiences or relationships. Keep yourself open.
Love,
Joey